Foto de un bocadillo de cómic diciendo NO

When I say NO!

I have a bad habit of saying no.  And when I say no, it’s no.

That is one thing I am instilling in my daughters: that they are able to say no, that they should enforce their no, and that they must respect a no.

But if you are really saying a «no», you have to be consistent.

It is not worth that as soon as they start screaming or crying (and I assure you that they will), change your «no» to a «yes».

We are not respecting ourselves, perhaps we say it at first because we are tired, we do not want to do something that we have been asked or because we are angry or whatever, and after a brief moment we consider that having said no, it is silly, that what they have asked us is just a simple thing, that it is not a big deal. Then you change and say, «Ok, you can do this or that»

I sincerely believe that that is a mistake, first, because you lose credibility and secondly because you are misleading them: if you change your pace or change your mind constantly, your children will not know what are the rules of the game they have to stick to.
In addition, in this way, being consistent with your decisions, you are teaching them to respect the limits, those that you are imposing on them at that very moment, and other limits that they will face any other time in their lives.

What would happen if your son when his girlfriend says no, he ignores her and finally forces her? Overall, he has always heard a No, which then finally was a yes … or,  what happens when our daughter is told, «come and play a joint» and she says no and their friends insist that she has to smoke, maybe to avoid pressure or to be included in that group she finally says YES..

So, please, be consistent. This might be strong cases, but they could possible happen.

You have to be aware that your children will not do what you tell them. They will do what you do.

If I tell my children, «I do not want you to hit me …», «I do not want you to act like that …», you have to make your son understand that you want him to listen to you.

Of course, I have also seen mothers who, when they speak to their children, they say while they are pushing the spoon filled with Puree into their mouth: «Don´t you even think of eating the puree that is mine …», or they say: «hey, don´t you dare hitting me, big boy» while laughing and playing around.

Unfortunate mistake. When one day you say to him: «Do not even think about leaving without having picked up your room!», What do you expect him to do?

BUT… You have to keep in mind that this is a two-way road. ok?

Not as easy as sticking to a «no»…

When your kid tells you: «I do not want to eat more», it’s over, do not insist, respect his or her decision.

When your kid tells you: «I don´t want to give uncle Peter a welcome/goodbye kiss», respect his or her decision.

When your kid tells you: «I don´t want to wear those pants», you have to respect his or her decision.

Be respectful. Be soportive.

Love them, whatever they decide.

In the end, you just want them to be happy, don´t you?

They will only be happy, deciding by themselves, and being treated with respect. It is not very complicated, isn´t it?

And you can change your mind, of course, but take note and inform them that it is an exception and explain it in that way to your children.

Of course I could have been wrong at one point in time, and I said no, when in reality it could have been a yes. I’ll explain it to them. I will tell them what has happened to me, why did I change my mind, and usually they will understand it and also appreciate (and learn) of our steps back.


For me, it is essential to speak clearly to children. They are small, but they fully understand things if we take the time to explain it to them.
At home we use a technique that works great. Sometimes when I get caught up with an application, I simply say, «I’m going to think about it» …. That simple sentence gives me an extra time to think about the suitability of doing what they propose or on the contrary, gives me valid and reasonable arguments to refuse what they are asking me.

 

Why do not you try it at home and tell me?

Leave your comments below, and of course, if you liked what I told you, please share!

 

Lily

 

«NO» by Meghan Trainor

 

Publicado en Lily´s blog, Music y etiquetado .

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