I am sorry that I did not protect you as I should have, I did not spoil you, I did not hold you enough, I did not caress you enough, I did not enjoy you as you deserved, and I deserved it. I will not justify myself by saying that I did not have the knowledge, because it is not about knowing, it is not about having read, it is about feeling, and you can not feel, if you have not previously received it or not let it feel, if you have repressed the emotions, if the feelings have been nonexistent ..
I am deeply grateful to have had a second chance and have been able to correct my mistake; With you I was learning and with her I was improving. With you I began to love you, with her, I already had love for both of you. You were my first, you were my experiment, and I deeply regret making you suffer occasionally. I do not want to live in the past, because I know that I have improved, I know that you have taught me to move forward and I know that she had taught me to feel.
You taught me all the things I didn´t have, you as my first, opened my eyes, you give me reasons for loving you more each day, you lead me to unknown paths, and with you I discovered my real myself, my real truth, the one that was deep down my heart, you make me think of breaking the rules, so thanks to you, she has been able to get the most of me, a stronger person, with highest selfsteem. She will allways owe you me being a better person, a better mom…
**I wrote this post when I realized that I had made a lot of things with my older kid that I did not feel like mines, so I regret not have been really myself in a lot of things. But you know what? You learn from the mistakes, so now I am looking to become a better person and a better mom, and that is the important thing to remember.
Have you done something different with your second or third kid? Please leave a comment if you fancy!
I would be so grateful if you share it with your friends if you liked the post or you feel identified.