How NOT to deal with temper tantrums

 

Hello,

I do not know if you have seen a video, where a father explains how to treat tantrums … From the first moment I saw the video, something in my guts made him reject it and I felt that something was not right.

In the video, in case you have not seen it, a father appears recording himself and his daughter crying after what seems an incident in a mall and a tantrum of the girl. At first the father seems to be waiting for him to pass, and when the girl starts to calm down he starts talking to the girl without looking at her and saying phrases such as: «Have you finished making a fool of yourself?»

After explaining to the mobile that the girl has had a tantrum and they have gone to the parking lot to be passed and then return to the supermarket to continue shopping with her mother. Explain that you do not have to spoil your children by giving them what they want and that’s how it is done, without shouting, without raising your voice, and of course without hitting them, but not letting the girl get away with it.

At first it may seem to be a respectful behaviour because it neither raises the voice, nor screams, sticks, or mounts a scene. Unfortunately there are many other things that are very wrong, all under my humble opinion and my training as a Positive Discipline Educator for families.

 

Here are some examples:

-Makes fun of his child for crying instead of validating her feelings.

You have to be there for your kids and validate  their overwhelming feelings, for example by telling: «wowl, I see that you are very sad / angry / upset (whatever) because you wanted us to buy you a toy. You know that we have come  to the Mall to buy groceries and we can not buy toys every day (here give an explanation, in a friendly tone , neutral, but friendly why we are not going to buy her a toy)

 

– This father seriously believes that she is crying to manipulate the situation, when in many occasions, crying, moaning or temper tantrums are the simplest way of expressing children’s emotional overflow, the most times, children are not emotionally prepared to describe in a «cold» way what happens to them. I want you to understand that crying should never be considered as bad behaviour. Crying is the simplest way of expressing what that child feels.

 

– He turns his back on her, barely looks at her, is condescending in his language, verbal and non-verbal. He does not connect with the girl at any time, tries to make her feel bad, not to accompany or educate her, I have the feeling that she thinks he is superior to her.

 

-I would not have recorded her in such a vulnerable situation. Never. Would you have recorded your partner on an argument and posted it on social networks to see who was right?

 

-What has the girl learned here? That it is best to deny your own emotions. To be a good girl is not to cry, not to make scandal, not to have the right to speak or express her feelings …. In the future, when she is in a group of friends and someone says, «Do not be ridiculous.» “Coward, are not you going to try this beer (or whatever the substance)»… she will not have enough resources to say NO. She will not have been taught you to empower herself. She will be submissive and will say yes, because that is what through this type of «messages» she has learned.

 

Please respect people (even if they are children), listen to them, let them talk, let them express themselves … accompany them in their fears, frustrations and allow them to learn based on mutual respect.

What do you think? Please tell me..

 

 

 

 

 

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