How do we treat our kids??

I have spent a few days with my partner and two girls in a family hotel. It is not the first time we go, on the contrary, since I was pregnant with Maxi we have come every year, at least a few days, because as I said, it is a family hotel, that means that it is full of children, but In addition is that everyone is very nice with the kids and if there is noise in the dining room because a baby cries, we look at each other and we think, «today for you and tomorrow for me», because everyone can have a bad day, a little girl who has not slept well, a temper tantrum (temper tantrum? What is that?) If your children still do not have between one year and a half and six, you still have not gotten to the good thing or a heartbreaking cry for “ Guess-the-real-reason-why».

The fact is that every time I come, I find myself comfortable, because I meet  nice, supportive, ethical, cooperative peope… anyway, there is what is said good vibes.

 

However … oh, oh …
… this year has been a shame. And I do not say it because of the hotel or staff. They have been great as always; This year the parents have failed me.
I’ve heard insults, slaps, spanks, bad words, pushes, pinches, threats, etc. NO CREDIT. Seriously I tell you, I’ve got a real disillusionment with «humanity» in general .. and you’ll think I’m overreacting. Yes, okay, it’s possible … or not!

I do not understand how we are able to speak as we speak to the people we are supposed to love the most..

I cannot understand that in order for someone to behave as you want (because you think it’s the right thing to do at the moment), spanking  him or slapping  is the best way, or you have to insult him and tell him to see if he finishes the plate a time, that if your son «annoys» because he makes you a question at breakfast, you have to give a bad reply  by ordering him to stop and eat and … How was that ?? Ah yes: “Be a little» quiet «…

 

Why do we want the children to be still?? (it is funny, because when they are babies, and they are quiet in the crib , we, the parents, insist to lift them forcing them to sit down (In positions that for their age are not physiologically prepared) or when they still do not walk, yes, again the parents insist on walk them all around…

 

And I am the first one with this temper hat I have, I lose the north, the south, and the whole compass, I am the first one that I have to go to “pull myself together” in order not to scream; I am the first one, who needs to shake well the famous “calm jar” and see the whole glittering in the bottom of the bottle, because it is exhausting, yes!!  it is exhausting to have a little person (or two or three or …) behind you all the time, asking you, asking you for things, crying because the things you have been asked for are not exactly how they asked them, because they change their minds to what they asked before, they ask for something else and you have not answered in a second, because you can not attend two (or three or four conversations at the same time, at least , I CAN NOT, if you are capable, good for you!!, you are my idol and I congratulate you), because they can not find their favorite toy, because their brother or sister has picked up his favorite toy, because someone broke their favorite toy, because it rains and can not go to the park, because it is sunny and the slide burns, because he does not want to go to the beach, because he wants to go to the beach, etc. etc.

 

Do you follow me?

The children live EVERYTHIG with great intensity.

And that intensity is EXHAUSTING for grown ups.

 

And it is human and it is understandable  that we come from work and we are tired, moody, fed up, but, do you really want to pay your bad day with your kids? Those who look at you and worship you as a GOD? Is that the example we want to be for them? That they come from the schoolyard grumbling of their Sh*t –day? How are we going to get them wanting to work hard and study to get a job? If they see us they will say, “Why studying?  finding a job must be very bad because I see mom or dad all day in a bad mood»

Let us try at least if it is in front of them not to transmit that negativity and we will complain to our partner, friends or others who also will understand perfectly, because many times, we work to get money, because our work does not satisfy us, but we have no other choice (Or do we have it? -there is another question).

And on vacation? In an all included Hotel , what stress can you have? Take care!!I am not justifying that if I have stress I can revenge with the first that I have at hand, that is my poor and helpless kid, no!

 Not much less, but I am trying to imagine what possible traumatic situation has to be given so that in your healthy judgment, you get to speak or act in the bad, condescending, harmful and immoral way I have seen these past days and the truth Is that I can not think of any situation or circumstance.

 And I can not think of any because I place RESPECT on myself, on the other person (in this case my child) and on the environment in that «imaginary» unsustainable situation.

I do not allow anyone to speak badly, insult me ​​or hit me. And I want my daughters to be able to defend that right and have that respect for themselves. Therefore, that respect extends to the other and to the environment, I do not insult or beat or humiliate anyone or start kicking furniture or breaking cars.

That respect is taught at home. And taught from an early age. Not when they are 10, 13 or 16 years old, because there, it will be too late, we will have lost all moral force, it is a relay race, it is arduous and we do not win it in a day, it is a career that will last a lifetime. But do not forget that it is a collaborative race, not a competition one, as in relays, the team is better if each of the components of the team is better.

 

Don´t try to compete with your children, what for? What is the point? Our job is to make them better people and be an example; However. You decide which example you want to be.

Which side do you want the balance to tip:

-for the side of those who help, collaborate, care for others,  have social skills, respect, are resilient, listen, have empathy, etc … or

-for the side of those who do not share, do not care about others, prefer to think about themselves, only focus on themselves, blame the others, do not know how to manage their emotions, have anger attacks, get easily frustrated,  only speak without listening, they bully, they do not want to help, etc

As I say, I am the first I need to count to 10, and I am not trying to give any moral lesson to anyone. I firmly believe that violence generates violence.

 

Any-kind-of-violence.

 

And I know that a child who is misbehaving is a discouraged kid. That we should not focus on the behavior but dive and inquire what really happens to them.

In a next post I will talk about the 4 misconceptions in children’s behavior according to the Positive Discipline and I hope it helps you find solutions for those moments when you can not hit the key, I know you do the best you know And yet, you do not get the effective solution to your conflicts. If you always do the same thing and it does not work, what do you think if you try something different?

Tell me your experiences, tell me how I could help you, together and doing different things, we could achieve positive results and last.
Thank you for being there … and if you liked this article … share it if you feel like it.
xo xo
Lily
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