Do you act or react?

 

Today has been a gray day, it has not rained until mid afternoon, but we could not go down to the beach or the pool because the atmosphere was unpleasant.

Usually after eating, the girls play a little game «to go to sleep», with some stuffed animals, in their room, I hear them laughing from the outside while I try to concentrate on reading a book or writing a post, later we have a snack and when the sun has dropped a bit, we go to the pool. But today has not been a typical day. As the sun was not seen all morning we have gone from side to side without stopping and very busy. The fact is that after lunch, I wanted to have a break, to gather information, to gather some ideas that blossom mainly at night, when I have already read the night tales to the kids, when we have also told us the things that we liked the most and least of the day and when finally the ears and voices begin to fade, and at the same time where my brain goes crazy releasing ideas that I try to retain to reflect them in the computer screen. Sometimes I even do not fall asleep and write some of them, but most of the time I fall round and the ideas swarm around the room and are diluted until another day when my mind again wanders around the same subject.

 

Today, I felt «inspired» and certainly had the need to sit down and write. However my need was not compatible, at least for the time being, with the need of my daughters, who wanted to play and run all over the house. Even, at one point they have started to protest and purr like kittens and it was there when the alarm went on.

«Attention!!!
🔊🔊
Necessary action!»

Fortunately I have read between the lines and reacted before the situation overflowed.

 

To avoid crying, tantrums or moaning, I could have stood firm (but not kind) and ordered them «go to bed to nap!» or «To the room to play!», or I even could have said: «ok! I’ll switchI the tablet on for a while and we rest all at least an hour» … but I have stopped (Very important !!) and I have analyzed the situation, first thinking about how I felt when I heard the protests of the girls and then also I thought about how they felt, that after having had a morning in which they have not been able to play, maybe they would like to play (and maybe in my company).
That is how I have transmitted it, and his eyes have instantly brightened as we could spend all three of us entertaining.

We tried to reach an agreement because as I was saying, I did not have the strength to be running around and they decidedly did not have the mood to go to the room to play alone, so we looked for an alternative activity that covered MY NEEDS AND MY KIDS NEEDS.

 

So we decided, among all, to draw for a while (a time that in the end have been two hours that went away so quickly!) And we have been so happy and entertained that I have even forgotten the overwhelm that I had felt when I had thought to paint only a little time with them and then continue with the pile of things I had scheduled, and I tell you one thing that has happened to me: I enjoyed the stop. I liked painting like I had not done for years, we even made a Calm jar, ((although the girls said that without glitter is not a real calm jar.. 🤷🏻‍♀️) ) Well, we’ve done what we could, 😜 but the bottom line is that we spent some time together, sharing a moment in calm, without hurry, without thinking that we have to do this or that; it’s true that we are still on vacation, we still have a week to start the maelstrom, the mornings, commuting to school, pick them up, the organization of the house, return to routines after almost three months abandoned for flexibility too deserved by all of us, so it will be very hard for us, the grown ups and the kids to get back to our home town and start our ordinary life again.

 

I hope that you have filled your bottle of energy, that is filled by doing things we like, such as reading a book, painting, sewing, dancing, sleeping, walking, sports, cooking, walking … but «despacito», as the very well known song states, that is on a «slow mode»

Then, let me ask you: Do you stop when the situation is overwhelming? Or, on the other hand, you destroy as an hurricane ‘everything’ you have ahead when the situation is ‘unbearable’?

What if you try to stop for a moment when your brain begins to «uncover»?

I tell you beforehand that it is the most difficult moment of all, that precise moment in which you notice that you are going to explode, that you can not get another drop of patience, that you are going to release all your demands in a very very bad way.

In positive discipline there is a very respectful way of calming us, valid for both kids and adults, is called, «positive time out» that I will explain in another post. I assure you that you will appreciate having this tool since we often regret things we said or done in those «attacks» that we have from time to time.

In Conscious Communication or Nonviolent Communication is the moment in which we STOP and look for OUR INTENTION, that makes the difference in the relations with the others.

What is my intention when I communicate with the other?

My intention is to recriminate, to judge, to preach, to run over, not to listen, to impose …?

Or is my intention to understand, dialogue, empathize, deepen and seek the true motive of a reaction?

Depending on one or another intention, we will be really listening to the needs of the other and mines too, trying to satisfy both needs and therefore, truly approaching the other person, or what is the same, CARING OF the relationship.

Tell me, have you ever stopped before acting / reacting? Would you like trying something new? Do you thing that it is possible to meet everyone’s needs?

Please share bellow your comments and of course the post if you fancy it!!

Thanks in advance.
XOXO
Lily

 

 

 

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